Common Fears About Starting Counselling (And How to Overcome Them)
Starting is often the hardest part for a lot of things in life. Going to go to the gym. Starting a jigsaw. Doing your spring cleaning. Life admin. Counselling is no different - starting counselling can feel like a huge wall you have to climb over. But like a lot of things in life, once you get started you’ll think to yourself “why didn’t I do this sooner?”, and you wont even remember why you found it so hard to begin.
Your anxieties and fears around starting counselling are completely normal, and totally understandable. They are also manageable and — if you’re willing — pretty easy to overcome with the right counsellor.
What if I don’t know what to talk about?
This is a really common fear when it comes to counselling. What if you turn up and you don’t know what to say, and the counsellor doesn’t say anything, and then you’re both just sat in this awkward silence for 50 minutes???? Sounds pretty terrible right?
Here’s the secret - it’s ok if you don’t know what to say.
Your counsellor doesn’t need you to be perfect, or have a story to tell. You’re allowed to just say “I don’t know what to say”. At this point, your counsellor will prompt you with questions and this will lead in to a gentle conversation. They might ask “how has your week been?”, “what’s bothering you the most?”, or “what does the best version of you look like?”. These gentle questions prompt conversation, and can lead to deeper explorations.
What if I’m judged?
Lots of people who are thinking about starting counselling worry that if they open up and show the counsellor their true self that they’ll be judged, criticised, or seen as “bad” or “broken”. It’s normal to feel this way - especially if you’ve spent a lot of your life trying to hold it all together, or feeling like you’ve had to hide parts of yourself to be accepted.
Here’s the secret - counselling is a completely judgement-free space.
Nothing you could bring to the counselling room would be “too much” or “too weird”. Your counsellor is there to listen empathetically, not to determine good vs bad or right vs wrong. You can take your time building trust with your counsellor. They will honour your pace, and be there when you’re ready to share. You’ll often find that the parts of yourself that you’re worried about sharing are the parts that need understanding and acceptance - your counsellor will offer this to you.
What if I get too emotional?
What if you start your session and just burst into tears? These fears are completely understandable. For lots of people, life has required you to hold it all together and keep a brave face.The idea of letting those walls down, even for a moment, can feel scary.
Here’s the secret - there’s no such thing as too emotional in counselling.
Your counsellor will create a space for you to feel those emotions and reassure you that your feelings are valid - you will never need to apologise for feeling any type of way in counselling. In fact, it’s often in the letting go of your emotional walls where you feel a lot of relief afterwards as you’ll be moving through your emotions rather than keeping them bottled up.
If you do feel overwhelmed, your therapist will help you slow down and ground yourself, using grounding exercises, or simply taking a pause together. You don’t have to go anywhere you don’t feel ready to go, and it’s okay to take things at your own pace.
What if I find out something I don’t want to know about myself?
You might feel like counselling will open a Pandora’s box of things you’ve been avoiding - difficult memories, hard truths, or parts of yourself you unsure you’re ready to face. This is a very common fear - especially for those who have had to be strong their whole lives.
Here’s the secret - what you fear discovering about yourself is never as scary as it feels in your mind.
You might fear that you’re “broken beyond repair” or “bad”. The wonderful thing about counselling is that it often shows you that your behaviours and patterns came from trying to protect yourselves, to cope, or to survive. It gives you a perspective of compassion rather than judgement. Understanding more about yourself gives you freedom and choice in how you live your life.
What if counselling doesn’t work for me?
Maybe you’ve had counselling before and didn’t find it useful, or you feel you’re broken beyond repair and nothing will help. You might feel exhausted or hopeless - it’s understandable to feel that way.
There are a couple of secrets to address this fear:
Not all counselling styles are the same: Counselling works best when you find someone you connect with. If therapy hasn’t helped in the past, it just means you haven’t found the right counsellor for you.
Counselling isn’t always a quick fix: Change can feel gradual and up and down. One session probably isn’t going to solve everything. Give it time, and trust the process.
You are not broken beyond repair: Although this may feel true at time, I can promise you, it isn’t true. If you want help through counselling, the right counsellor is out there for you and will help you realise that you’re much more capable than you give yourself credit for.
If therapy doesn’t feel like it’s working, you can talk about it in your sessions. Your therapist will welcome your honesty, and together you can adjust your approach, set clearer goals, or explore different ways of working to better support you.
The be all and end all is that you don’t have to have it all figured out before you start therapy. You just need to show up, exactly as you are. That’s enough.
