Gabor Maté’s “5 R’s” for Reframing Limiting Beliefs

In my work as a counsellor, I’m often drawn to approaches that help people understand themselves with more compassion and clarity. One framework I’ve found especially powerful comes from Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician and author whose work explores trauma, addiction and the mind-body connection. In his book The Myth of Normal, he shares the “5 R’s” - a simple yet profound guide for shifting the way we relate to our thoughts, behaviours, and emotions.

Let’s walk through the 5 R’s through the lens of the belief “I am not enough”:

Relabel

The first step is to relabel what you’re experiencing. Instead of thinking “I am not enough”, try thinking “I believe I am not enough”.

That’s all it is - a belief. Just words and conditioning you’ve picked up over the years from early childhood experiences, or societal pressures. It’s not who you are to your core.

This relabel allows you to separate yourself from the thought, recognising that your identity isn’t tied to it and in this the door to change opens.

Reattribute

Once you’ve relabelled the belief, the next step is reattribution. Where did this belief that “I am not enough” come from?

The belief didn’t start with you - you weren’t born believing you aren’t enough - it has nothing to do with reality. Much of what we do or feel stems from learned patterns, past experiences, cultural pressure or unmet needs. For example, in society today the pressure to constantly be achieving is very present, leaving us feeling that we’re not doing enough or not achieving enough. Recognising the roots of our patterns helps us stop blaming ourselves and start healing.

Refocus

Give yourself some time or space - even just for 5 minutes - to consider all the ways you are enough. If you go back to the belief, that’s ok, but in this step it’s important you give yourself space (no matter how small) to believe otherwise.

Over time, practising refocusing builds new pathways in the brain and reduces the power of old habits. In doing this, you have given yourself proof that you are capable of believing you are enough - that you have agency and power over your own thoughts.

Revalue

Gabor Maté has said this one should be called “devalue” or “re-evaluate”. In this step we analyse how the belief has impacted your life. Get a pen and paper, create two columns and title one “benefits” and the other “costs”. Do some research in the value this belief has in your life?

In the “costs” column you might write things like: It has made me lonely. It’s stopped me doing things I love. It’s stopped me making new connections. It’s caused me to self-sabotage. Be specifics about the times it has impeded your life.

In the benefits column you might write things like: It made me work harder so I could get that job I wanted. It protects me from judgement. The belief will have benefitted you in some way, otherwise you wouldn’t have held onto it for so long.

The question is - do the benefits outweigh the costs?

Re-create

This is the step where you are creating a new story for yourself. You have the ability and power to create a new narrative for who you are.

I am whole. I am becoming. I am enough as I am.

By practising self-compassion, adopting healthier coping strategies, and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you start to create the life you want rather than staying stuck in the one you’ve inherited.

Recreating is an ongoing process - it’s not about perfection. It’s about small, consistent steps toward change.